I’ve said time and time again that the idea of airport security is illusory because any increase in security measures is really just a new puzzle for “evil-doers” to figure out. And so long as they actually wish to blow things up, it’s only a matter of time until they figure out a new way, like, say, not even bothering with the planes and blowing up the hundreds of people waiting in line to go through airline security. That would certainly cause a ruckus.

But even for me and my opinions, the backlash against the backscatter x-rays is incomprehensible.

The unbelievable arrogance and self-righteous paranoia that airport security guards give a shit about the blurry outline… of your body, or that they somehow enjoy patting people down while hoping they don’t explode from said patdown is absurd, and says more about the American fear and disgust of sexuality that it does about civil liberties.

I’d much rather have someone cup my balls than have airports lined with armed military the way they were after 9/11. Hell, I’d rather let them cup my balls than have to take off my shoes (I double-knot my laces biznatches). I’d even let TSA knead  ’em a bit for an upgrade to first class.

As far as travel inconveniences go, I’d rank an x-ray and a grope far below a plane ride with a crying baby or not being allowed to bring water onboard.

But the thought of being surrounded by armed guards ready to start firing into a crowd to bring down a potential threat—which is much more likely to be a disgruntled passenger sick of taking off their shoes and trashing their shampoo—now that’s terrifying. And despite armed militias enduring in varying degrees as an airport security measure, x-rays are what finally got people riled up.

Violence always begets violence. X-rays only beget blurry shapes that can’t be distinguished as you, even if anyone cares what you look like naked. And they don’t.

If you’re okay with airports being lined with military troops strapping automatic weapons, but the thought of someone seeing an x-ray image of your pee-pee is where you draw the line, then before you board a plane you should be anally probed in a search for your brain.